Co-Parenting - Round 1
When it comes to Co-Parenting, there is a stigmatism that the mother and father are not supposed to get along. It’s always the Baby Momma is keeping the child from the father because he no longer wants to be with her, she doesn’t like his girlfriend, mother, or some other selfish reason. Then it’s the father doesn’t like the Mother anymore cause he believes she lied, she got pregnant on purpose, it was a one night stand, didn’t want the baby etc.
Or it’s the girlfriend or the boyfriend who finds different things inappropriate, so they don’t want their partner to do family outings, family trips, celebrations, or talk on the phone after certain hours. I have heard it all.
I do believe that you should respect the other parent’s relationship and try to not cause trouble. Now I am going to be honest the relationships that I have with my son’s fathers are different.
D1 – (Dad 1): He is my oldest son’s father. He and I bump heads. He is very stern and straight forward about things, I am go-with the wind and see what happens kind of gal. He is structure and routine and I am routine and breaks. There is nothing wrong with how he is or who he is. We just think and move different. Our son is made up of us both, so he is little bit me and little bit of his father.
With that being said, we are currently having issues with communications, he feels that I don’t communicate enough. He wants changes for drop off location and time 24hours ahead. And with my schedule sometimes that is doable and other times it’s not. Honey, I do good to find out an hour before we are supposed to meet. Things come up and as soon I see that it may be an issue, I do my best to figure out a way to keep the set time. But again that doesn’t always work out.
It's not even that I do it on the regular. We have a set time and place that we meet for drop off when it’s his weekends. Now there have been times where I have sent him a message letting him know that I need to change the location or time the day before. The response I would get is “no maim. I can’t see you at the appointed time.” Yes and those moment I look at the phone and weight my options on being petty or not.
One time I had a work function that I had to help with set up. So, I asked him if he could meet the night the before and he told me no. He then let me know that we could meet at our normal time. I let him know that he would have to pick him from my job. Yes, I was rolling my eyes and talking junk. Here I am trying to figure out a way to make sure the pick-up happened. I was figuring that if he could him the night before then he would get an extra night with his son.
He didn’t respond right away so I left it alone, I knew he would say something. He sent texted me the morning of what time he would be at my job to pick up our son and sent a list of things that should be in bag. Don’t get me wrong, but it does bother me that I must pack a bag, when he is not a baby. He has clothes at his house, but he wants me to still pack an outfit for him to wear home. When we first started doing the weekends, I had to pack a full overnight bag with everything.
I packed the bag, reminded my son bring everything he needed. Bookbag for school, his phone, and overnight bag, of course I said it a couple times but as we all know he left something behind. D1 made sure to let me know that I was my job to make sure that he had everything. I get hit with the “You should be on him about putting his shoes back in the same place.” “It’s your job make sure he takes care of his shoes?” or my favorite “You have stay on top of him about his clothes and shoes.” Or course all of these saying get used for various subjects and reasons.
It is at this point most time that I check out of the conversation with him. I know I shouldn’t, but I do, I started thinking about; my to do list, what I need to finish cleaning, what needs to be done in the office and what I am going to wear at church on Sunday. I check clean out crazy thing he will still be going when I come back. After he finishes his long rant about what I am not doing. I just respond with OK.
I mean really what’s the point in trying to explain to him what I was thinking or happened. He only cares about his point and process so ok is my answer. It’s a great answer, it neither a no or a yes, there is no attitude so it neither angry nor argumentative. I nodded, smile and respond OK. I promise I am not being petty by no means. My OK is just my way of saying I hear you and let me think about it.
Communication is a big part of co-parenting it’s also the hardest. We have been trying to figure out the best way for us to communicate. Five years later were stilling working on it. He is a person that I have a hard time talking to. Half of the time I don’t think he really wants to hear my opinion or feelings about. He just wants me to agree and go along. So I hold my tongue get my thoughts together and then tell him. Most of the time my response is what he wants, at times it’s not, but it never comes within the time frame he wants.
D1 is a good guy and good dad to our son. I have been blessed in that way.
Co-Parenting can be the loneliest feeling.
