MOM vs FEMALE

HELLO!!!! My fellow single moms, single dads, parents, single people of all races, shapes, and forms. Welcome for those who are just joining short intro coming your way or you can go the first blog and read the long one lol..

This is me. Adopted. Single. Mom. Two Boys. Two Dads (one for each child not me). You are all caught up lol.

Just kidding, I was raised by two wonderful parents in church. I have a small group of close friends that help keep me sane along with Jesus (new information for everyone and now your caught up).

Being a single mom can be hard. I have been on a couple dates but not as many as I would like. Don’t get me wrong the way the game is right now and the things some men come at you with I shake my head and run for the hills. Now I’m no young chicken so I am to the point that my tolerance for foolishness is short. I have found that some men are good with kids while others are not. Personal preference is always accepted and respected.

I just wonder why it is assumed that single moms are easy or slutty? Not by all men but a few.  You would think that men would think the opposite. Assume that the single mom is more caution about who she sleeps with or lets in her life.  Now, wait a minute before you come for me. I am not saying that all men are like that, I know there are some single moms out there who are just want a friend with benefits. I get it. Not every mom or dad is that way.

As for me and my house, that is not how it is. I do my best to keep my hoeish tendency under wraps until I know for sure the person I am talking with or spending time with is on the same page.

So explain to me why in the ham sandwich is everyone just showing their hoeish ways first?

(Hoeish Tendency: is a Lady or Man who may or may not enjoy things that most people would be like” really? you do that?”, and you keep it under wraps, or in your head until the right time to show it. (hehe)

The female in me wants to have fun, go out and get laid like the rest of the world but the Mom in me is more concerned about making sure my boys are not affected by those choices.  So it makes me wonder if I always have to look for a committed relationship or can I balance having a friends with benefits.  Both have perks and downsides to them.  I have done both and I have seen the affects it not only had on me but my boys.

I have done committed relationship and when it ended the adjustment was difficult. Having to explain to my boys why things were different and make sure they understood it had nothing to with them was hard. Mentally and emotionally.

Then there is friends with benefits, which comes in handy when needing a release and just some adult time. I found that I was able to take a breather for a couple hours of not hear my name called for the 100th time, or getting on the boys about something or other. It even gave me a little peace from my own head. The constant monolog of what needs to get done, what needs to be paid, what’s about to come out my accounts on auto, making sure everyday house cleaning and maintenance is done. On top whatever things at work has to get done.

The female in me gets lost at times mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel that lost the most when I get stressed, overwhelmed, or burnt out. Which means I have taken the time I need to destress and calm my mind. It’s a natural thing to put my wants and needs on the back burner to make sure the boys are taken care of.  Getting my nails and feet done is a funny me time that I get or get a massage. After while I still miss human contact. Its not just about getting laid, it’s having adult conversation, flirting with someone, the anticipation of seeing them.  It’s the whole package that comes with it.

It may seem cold and even selfish but friends with benefits comes out a little less messy sometimes. For a weekend, a day, a couple hours you get enjoy a fantasy, blow of some steam, and take a time out from being the parent, the mom, or the dad.  Do I think with will last? No, absolutely not. I understand completely that is not what either one of us is looking for. We are not each other’s end game. Can that happen? Yes, I believe it could, people catch feelings and want to try for something more. It may work out and it may not either way they can say they tried. Communication would play a hug part in that.

Now once a contract or relationship is established, wants, do’s and don’t, and expectations have been made clear. That’s when you show your hoeish tendencies. Or at least that what I was taught. 

The dating game is different now.  I have been asked out but once he found out that I had kids he was no longer interested.  I have also had men exchange numbers and conversation is going well and when kids come up I was asked to delete his number he didn’t want an already made family. All that is good and well, I also understand there are women who are the same. They won’t date men who have kids.  On the flip side of that I have met men who have children and they only want some to have fun with ( friend with benefits). They don’t want nor are they looking for a relationship.

 Not Your Babe

What’s with calling someone babe after one conversation? I’m not your babe. Oh guys who will messenger me on Facebook or dm me on Instagram are good for that mess. NO, Sir and no thank you. I don’t know you well enough to say I want to keep the conversation going how am I going to call you babe. Again, the female in me is beyond flattered that I was approached at the same time I am wondering when he going to ask me for money, try to get me to buy something, support something, or get mad the first time I tell him don’t call me babe. And the biggest one is your picture really you? Just saying. People run to many scams and games that its hard to tell real people sometimes. Give me a little time is all I ask.

Now wait before you have a fit. I understand completely that endearments are how some people take. I am one of them. I am country as the day is long so you will get called Hun, Boo, and Sweetie. I am one of those people but even I don’t walk around calling them babe unless 1. I have known you for a long time 2. We have that kind of relationship male or female 3. Its little person that I have been around all their lives or its family.

A stranger is a no for me.

 Where are you?

I often find myself wondering if there are men or women left that want to have real conversation about books, movies, life, funny experiences, life goals professional or personal?  Are there still men or women who are looking for real loyal friends? Has society changed dating, friendship and relationship so selfish that people don’t know how to do any of them anymore?

I have been blessed to have friends and family members who have happy marriages. They are each other’s best friend. Even with that they have maintained their friendship with friends who were there before and during their dating, and engagement. So friendships fell off and that to be expected. They give me hope as a single female, as a mom and friend. As a single Mom, they don’t have the same challenges that I have. Its the examples they set for what a real relationship, campion, partner could be.

Making sure that who I bring into my boys life is someone who is going to stick. Not just stick but also enhance their lives. I am package deal of three.

Playlist:

         Love So Soft by Kelly Clarkson

         More than Woman by Aaliyah

         Surefire by John Legend

         Darkness & Light by John Legend feat. Brittany Howard