Siblings

Little background history: I am adopted but I have a relationship with my biological sister, mother and father.

With that being noted. I didn’t grow up in the same house with her. So, I was raised as an only child and I did wish for a sibling that lived with me. As I got older, I was more than happy with being the only child. It taught me how to be independent and how to take responsibility for my actions. When you break something or pour your mother’s favorite perfume down the toilet and the only people in the house is you, your mom and Dad. You can’t really say you didn’t do it. Well, you could but you would look ridiculous; as most children do when they don’t want to be in trouble.

How I ended up with two children I don’t know.  For those who are reading this and said YES you do!! Physically I completely understand how (lol), but I never thought I would have kids much less have two. My boys love each other for about hour and then they can’t stand each other. Now I do my best to teach them to look out for each other. Defend each other and to always make sure to have each other’s backs. 

They are now in the phases where my oldest is finding his own style and figuring out what he likes and don’t. While my youngest still wants me to pick his clothes out and give him input. If you ask their father’s, I have gotten better with dressing them cute preppy with bit of modern flare.

Up until a couple years ago they didn’t even mind sharing clothes. Now my oldest is pushing against that, his little brother can’t even barrow or wear one of his shirts without him going into a rant about how his stuff is his stuff.

Now I get he is starting to find his own independence, but I know grown adult men who are brothers, and they share clothes. It began to bother me because again I teach the boys that you can be yourself as well as share with each other. Then he said that phrase that I know all we all have heard. “Well my dad said.” At this moment I had many thoughts on how I could handle this statement that he had started his rant with. To be honest I didn’t hear much else of his rant cause my brain was stuck on those four words.  I know that we all do things differently in our own homes. I’m not going to walking, looking or suggest what you should do in your house.

         I would hope that would apply to someone else when it came to mine. For some reason in this moment where my oldest is going in on, my youngest is crying I felt like the bond that I was working so hard on to help build with them was being attacked.  It felt like the fragile strings of become best friends and brothers was being plucked at. So I made a mental note to talk with my oldest father so I could get a better understanding. Cause children will take what their parents said and turn it all around. I corrected my oldest by reminding him that we don’t treat each other or his brother that way. And that in my house we share things. No I don’t expect them to share everything and understand that certain things will solely belong to either my youngest or oldest. There will also be times when they don’t want to share and that’s ok.

My oldest son’s father is youngest of three so living with siblings he had way more experience than me. When he came to pick up our son for his weekend, I asked the him if he told our son that he shouldn’t share his things with his brother? The response I received was “yes, he shouldn’t have to share his toys, his clothes etc with his brother. They should have clear lines on what is his being our oldest and what is his brothers.”

         Now, again this was one of those moments I could have been cool calm and collected but I was feeling like the way I was trying to raise my boys to be an individual as well as be able to share with his brother and be a unit. Some may agree with that, but I was thought when you have siblings that was one of the perks of have brother or sister was to be able to share things. Wither its thoughts, feelings, or experiences. Clothes and jackets should be simple.  Yet here I was being told the opposite of that.

Yes, I went off, I explained to him that was not how we did things in my house. We share things, food, clothes, jackets etc. They are brothers. It was this moment that I realized that due to fact he was the only boy he didn’t get it. He didn’t share clothes or those types of experiences with his siblings due to the fact he was the only boy. He didn’t like the same things so essentially in some ways he was raised like an only child. His things were his and he didn’t have to share them. But even with that understanding I wasn’t then, and I don’t know agree with it and I don’t let it slide.

Due that one lesson from his father there are times where my oldest is over the top mean to his brother when it comes to sharing and I have to correct him and sometimes both of their behaviors towards each other.

I can’t say that my oldest son’s father and I get along, but we do our best to listen, be respectful and fair in decisions we make for our son. I’m not going to lie though I give him no quarter when it comes to this even after I realized he didn’t get it.

I want my boys to know there is time and place for things. Sharing is a choice even when its family or a friend. Some times you will have to say no and other times its ok. 

Playlist: You’ve Got a Friend in Me by Randy Newman

                 Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics